August Serenade

It’s going to be 5^th August soon. Wonder if this year it’s going to be something to be remembered or it will passes on like the other 5^th August. My memory from childhood had been mild; there’s nothing I could really clearly remember. The only 5^th August I remember is from year 2000. I was 10 and I had this little party with two of my closest friends. I remembered we had noodle which Mum cooked for the day. I had a little fun I guess. No cakes though. We played in the playground and it was quite brief. Nevertheless, it was probably the best birthday ever. Since then on, I don’t remember any other celebrations. It is quite sad for me actually especially when while the other members of the family got a little eat out on their birthdays, mine was always forgotten. More important things would just pop out; road tax to be renewed, and last year I was going to college after 3 days, etc. etc. Mostly my 5^th August would be really unpleasant, getting into argument with my mum, and I still remember some of the 5^th August I would say “Happy Birthday Me” in tears of sadness, under the blanket. Wishes from your friends doesn’t really count that much since maybe they got all their friends’ birthdays on Facebook notifications anyways.

This year I want to get all out and just celebrate my birthday with myself. I want to buy a cheese cake and eat it all by myself. I want to buy some new clothes and books! And a pair of boots! and maybe a Les Paul! I’m tired of straining myself and putting others in front of me. I want to walk without worrying about others. I want to be selfish. I want to be free. And maybe I want to have such birthdays for 3, 4 or 5 years to come. I just want to be alone. If bonding is something that would hurt as deep as the bond, then I would rather spend my life on my own. I’ll be happy in my own way.

Then again, every day I listen to Suga Shikao’s August Serenade. I hope my August will be august this year.